Saturday, July 9, 2011
The Tale of the Exploding Bra
Have you ever seen that Will and Grace episode where Grace's water-bra explodes? Yeah. One day I was running around the house getting ready for work, and couldn't find a clean bra to save my life. I dug in the "crap drawer" (We all have these, right? The bras and panties of yesteryear, the random sock we swear we will find the other one, or am I just a complete pack rat?) and found a water-bra. Remember those? Yeah. So I scramble through the rest of my morning getting ready in the frenzy that is Ramble's a.m. everyday, and head to work.
I'm sipping my Mcd's iced vanilla coffee and jamming to some Jimmy Buffett as I pull into work. I breathed the sigh that is also part of my a.m. ritual (at least on days I work) and shut off the ignition. As I hung my badge that permits access to the building around my neck, I felt something wet. Something really wet. Hmm. Last I checked I wasn't pregnant, so lactation was out of the question. I then realized that I had put on that God-forsaken water-bra. Oh. My. God. It had sprung a leak. My mind raced for quick fixes. I thought of, as I always do in times of crisis, Chevy Chase. Bubble gum. But how did that work again? Think Ramble, think. National Lampoon's Vegas Vacation. Hoover Dam. Wait. That didn't work so well for him. The clock was ticking.
I made my way inside, grateful I had a black shirt on that day. I felt lopsided as I shifted my purse, trying to find balance as not to fall over. I passed my coworkers in a frenzy, bee-lining it to the bathroom. I hid in the stall for a few moments, weighing my options. I was lopsided and wet. I found my only option was to take off my bra in the stall, dry myself off, drain the rest of the "rightie" in the toliet, use my earring to pop the other side, and drain it as to not be off kilter all day. I felt like MacGyver as I put my bra and shirt back on, and made my way to clock in.
There is no moral of this story other than this: Throw out the "crap drawer", and never leave home without a spare earring, some TP, and a little quick thinking.